By SHOWTIME: MR.MOTIVATION (RADIO PERSONALITY AND BLOGGER)
The FRIEND ZONE… you know what it is, fellas. You meet a woman and you start talking to her on the phone regularly. You hang out with her a few times. She might even give you the honor of letting you give her a kiss on the lips. But, that’s about as far as it goes. You try your hardest to take it to the next level, but nothing pops off. So what do you do? Or ladies, you meet a guy and you kinda like him, but he just wants things to go a little bit further than you want them to. What do you do?
From a man’s pont of view, the friend zone is usually perceived as the absolute worst place you want to be….OR IS IT? My position on the friend zone is a little different than most men. I think the friend zone allows you to get to know the woman better than you would if you were to just hop into a situation where you are dealing with her on an intimate level. Think about it, when you’re in a relationship the person that you are with should be like your best friend. There shouldn’t be anything that you can’t tell that person and nothing they should be able to share everything with you . So the best way to start a relationship that is truly worth anything is to start off as friends.
When a woman trusts you with her friendship you can get the information from her that should help you decide if she is even worth your time. A lot of times women tell you things without actually telling you. All you have to do is engage in conversation and listen. Not only that, even if you never get out of the friend zone with that particular woman, she is more then likely to give you insight and information that you can use in the future with other women.
A lot of men think that they have to kick some type of game in order to make sure that they stay out of the friend zone. But the fact of the matter is, the key to staying out of the friend zone is honesty. All you have to do is be honest with the woman. She will respect that a lot more then if you are pretending to be her friend just to get a taste of her cookies. If you are only trying to get the drawls, then just let her know and see if she is down with if. If she is with it, then you have just landed into a “friends with benefits” situation. The good thing about that is that if you really like her then the friends with benefits has the possibility of turning into a real deal relationship. Don’t be afraid of those types of situations either. Sometimes the friends with benefits can turn out to be the best ones for you. You’ve been friends for so long, and you just begin to know each other so well that it only makes sense that you take things to the next level and pursue a relationship with the person.
Now ladies, you have to know that the friend zone is an asset to you, BUT you have to use it wisely. You can’t just go puttin every dude you meet in the friend zone just because you are waiting on Idris Elba to pop into your life. You need to use the friend zone as a way to get a better understanding of men, and why we do what we do. Choose the men who you put into the friend zone very very wisely. If the man isn’t bringing some sort of value to your life, then you need to cut him of. At least be honest with him and let him know that this relationship is going no further then the occasional phone call, text messages while you’re bored at work, and a meal from Ruby Tuesdays on your off pay weeks.
If you have a dude that you know you only want to be friends with, you need to tell him so that there are no unrealistic expectations on his part. A dude will spend a lot of his time and money just because he thinks he has a shot at becoming more than friends. You don’t really want to do this to a guy who is a genuine good dude. Now if it’s somebody who you don’t really care about and you know he only wants sex, aye that’s all part of the game. You may want the same thing that he wants. Or then again you may not. Just don’t lead the guy on. Let him decide if he wants to be in that friend zone or not.
The friend zone definitely has its purpose, but I think the key to it is communication. If you feel like you’re in the zone and you don’t want to be, you have to let her know. It’s possible that she put you there subconsciously and didn’t know that you really had an interest. Ladies, if you want to put a man in the zone then you HAVE to let him know where he stands if he is making any type of moves on you. It’s only fair that when you see signs of the friend zone developing that you discuss it with the other party so that neither of you is wasting your time.
What do you say? Do you think that women and men feel the same way about the friend zone?
The Good Men Project is a cerebral, new media alternative to glossy men’s magazines. Founded by Tom Matlack in 2009, it’s become a social movement: an ongoing in-depth discussion asking “what does it mean to be a good man in these modern times?” Proceeds from The Good Men Foundation are used to support organizations that help at-risk boys.
This article originally appeared at GMP:
More from GMP Magazine:
- Can Handsome Men Stay Faithful? (snspost.com)
- Why Men Objectify Women (snspost.com)
- How to Lose a Guy…Forever (snspost.com)
- A Debate About Hook-Up Culture (snspost.com)
- Ten Daring Invitations for Men (snspost.com)