By RUSSELL IRVING

www.DontOverlookTheObvious.com

A lot of you will not be pleased by what I am about to say. However, that doesn’t make it less valid. So I ask you to seriously consider what I tell you. Especially if you truly want an improved marriage. So, here goes.

Stop bitching about what you knew before your wedding day.

Let me repeat that: Stop bitching about what you knew before your wedding day.

If you knew that your husband-to-be had children and owed child support, then stop complaining to him about the money going there.

If you knew that your bride-to-be had a gambling problem, then don’t act surprised or hurt when she racks up huge debts due to her addiction.

Same goes for drug or alcohol addiction. A lack of a sex drive. Someone who is not verbally or physically in your league…

We are adults. Adult enough to enter a legally, morally, and, perhaps, religiously, binding contract.
The fact that we wished to ignore the reality staring us in the face as we went into the marriage is no excuse for either bad behavior or a ‘poor me’ attitude.

If you’re thinking what a cold, uncaring jerk that I am being, please think about how you are behaving at this moment.
It’s okay to feel anger or resentment or fear depending upon the specific situation.

What is not okay is for you to not take responsibility for your own actions, including the decision to go ahead with the wedding. You also have no right to take your frustrations over money issues out on your step-children. Or an ex-spouse who collects alimony. The odds of your anger helping to turn around an addict are quite small. You probably don’t have what it takes to instill ambition in an otherwise lazy or party-going spouse. Habitual spenders are also not the easiest to ‘reign in’.

What you should do at this point in your marriage depends upon many factors. Not the least of which is your true tolerance for their shenanigans, personality, or obligations.

So, step back. Analyze the situation.

But, bitching and moaning about it will likely only make the marriage worse.

‘Nuff said!

Russell Irving is a media-acclaimed, expert on Single Life, Marriage, and more. – His book, Improve Your Marriage – Don’t Overlook The Obvious applies to couples in a ‘long term relationship’ and is available at Amazon.com, BarnesAndNoble.com, as well as the book’s companion site, www.DontOverlookTheObvious.com . Check out his YouTube channel, ImprovingMarriages. His Facebook page is Russell Irving. And Twitter name is RussIrving.

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