By Katarina Ilic

{I wrote this article last year for my own blog, www.katarinailic.com, and find its contents still applicable today so I thought I’d share it with you}

In addition to the french kiss, the french maid and the french braid, there is much else to be gleaned from The French, as I came to discover in this book:

What French Women Know: About Love, Sex and Other Matters of Heart and Mind

I really enjoyed reading this book.  It’s a quick read and quite fun, but what I didn’t like about it is all the “big words” she used {not to mention all the French terms…excusez moi for not knowing French}.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for expanding my vocabulary, but I literally had to keep referring to the dictionary.  For such a light topic, the caliber of words didn’t seem to match.  Perhaps that’s just the way the author normally talks or she was trying to appear really smart…either way, I wasn’t impressed.

I also didn’t really care for the stab she made at blondes only to later reveal the source of her remark came from an insecurity she had {just as I suspected} with being terrorized by cheerleaders and prom queens as a teen.

Now that I got that off my chest, let me share with you my key takeaways:

1.   French women aren’t afraid of uncertainty and the gray areas in life

The French version of “he loves me…he loves me not” goes something like “he loves me a little. a lot. passionately. madly. not at all.”  The author observes: “How unfair.  While we American girls are stuck in the absolutes of total love or utter rejection, the French girl is already primed to think in nuances and in an infinite gamut of romance.  While we lust after happy endings and closure, they’re comfortable with emotional subtleties and ambiguity.  While we grow up thinking in black and white, they grow up inscrutably gray.”

Or in the words of my wise friend (an American):  “We don’t enjoy the ride…we’re obsessed with knowing how it ends even before it begins.” {brilliant and so true}

We (Americans) have this need to control everything for fear of failure and the unknown.  Perhaps there’s something to be said for enjoying things as they are and not needing to have everything all figured out.  Isn’t that what makes life exciting after all?

2.  They embrace male/female differences rather than trying to make men be more like women

French women understand men rather than try to change them to be more like women.  In fact, the French believe that conversation is far more interesting when the sexes intermix.  While Americans have “girls night out”, “boys night out” and even “ladies only cruises”, the French are throwing dinner parties where the hosts will purposely seat their guests girl, boy, girl, boy and even seat couples separately.

I’m all for time with girlfriends, I really appreciate my friendships.  But my point is that we should celebrate and enjoy the differences between men and women…learn from, and have fun with, one another.

3.  They don’t care what people think of them

French women don’t care if people like them or not and that makes them sexy and alluring.  In fact, the French would believe that if you’re someone who’s liked by everyone, that means you’re bland.  {ouch}

Cookie-cutter beauty is not exalted in France.  French women like to be who they are…not be like everyone else.

4.  They don’t revolve their lives around their children

I loved the section on how French women parent.  In short, they make their children revolve their lives around the adults as opposed to the adults revolving their lives around the children.  Little things like the children knowing and respecting that the living room is collective space, but grown-up space.  And children being in bed by 8:30 so that mommy and daddy can have some “alone time”.

“…children are primed to live in the grow-up world, rather than have grown-ups prime themselves to adapt a wee bit too vigorously to the child’s world…if French children grow up seeming almost adult in their sophistication it’s partly because independence is bestowed upon them at an early age, and in ways that seem almost frightful to Americans.  But it’s precisely this independence – or the ability of the French women to let go and not fretfully micromanage and overprotect their children – that helps keep the blood pulsing through all that art de vivre.”

5.  French women don’t live by rules

However, they are traditionalists and believe in unspoken protocol…but they don’t like explicit rules.

“They generally refuse to let love and sex be hijacked rules designed to keep the risks of life at bay, because if there’s one thing the French women know, it’s this:  rules are often meant to be broken.”

And it’s this last point that has really had me thinking lately.  Have you noticed that we are gluttons for formulas, “how-to’s” and the “10 steps” to this, that and the other thing?  I mean there are books on dating, how to have a successful marriage, how to love your spouse, how to pleasure your mate, how to…, how to…and it can all be summarized by saying that we’re afraid of life.  We want someone to tell us how to live.  I’m not saying that there aren’t things to be learned from others and the mistakes others have made.  But let’s not take the spice and adventure out of life in an attempt to avoid all risks and failures.

I don’t know about you, but I’m ready to throw the baby out with the bathwater and shed all of the programmed rules in order to live more from my heart, from Spirit within.  It makes for more excitement and a much better story.  {wink}