An ‘Open Letter’ To Teens
By Russell A. Irving
“What is this guy talking about? He wants us to fail? Every adult I know has pounded SUCCESS into my head!… What is he talking About?… “
Well, I do mean what I said in this piece’s title!
For far too many years now, many of your parents and grandparents applauded almost everything you did. You learned how to potty. They clapped and rewarded you. Your artwork? Great, good, or like mine, awful, they hung it up for the world to see. You played sports? Well every team’s players got some sort of trophy or certificate. You took tests, and the teacher graded everyone on a curve so that no one flunked. You did something wrong at home and you weren’t punished, you were simply asked not to do it again.
Yes, it’s been sort of nice, hasn’t it? And, I certainly don’t question that these adults have meant well. But, the fact of the matter is, that not everyone is good at everything. And, that’s okay. In fact, it’s more than okay. It’s super! Why? Well, hang in there for a minute and I’ll explain it to you.
Another reality of life is that no matter how good or talented you are at something, there will be someone who is better than you. Smarter, funnier, tougher, more eloquent, more beautiful, handsomer, wittier, more athletic, more artistic, more logical, a better leader,…
And, in ‘real life‘, good or bad, there are ‘winners’ and if not ‘losers’, ‘non-winners’.
“If you’re trying to scare me or burst my bubble, here, you might be doing a good job of it. But, why would you do this to me?”
My point is not to do any of the above. It is to help prepare you for the real world.
When kids or teens have always been told that everything they did was successful. That they have no limits in life. That they can never lose by trying something… Then they are in for huge disappointments as they spend more time away from an artificial world and enter the real world.
If you never fail, you can never truly know the sweetness of a great win. If you are told that you can do anything, then what disappointment when you try out for your college or local club’s basketball team and discover that you’re a lousy shot. Or that you are too tall to be a horse racing jockey. Or that while you enjoy your singing, you will never make it to the finals of American Idol or perform at Carnegie Hall. (What’s that?… Trust me, it’s a big deal for many folks.)
If you only ever had ‘Passing’ grades or even all A’s, then what happens when you take a course and get a C or even a D, as can happen to the best
of you. – I remember reading how some of a college’s professors quit rather than retroactively scale students‘ grades so that they and prospective employers would believe that they were better students than they were. – I know that many colleges now find themselves requiring students to take remedial English or Math classes because they might have graduated from high school, but they lack the skills to do well in college. Quite a surprise to these students who thought that they always did such fine work.
Then, of course, you have those who were great inventors. Thomas Edison failed countless times before his light bulbs worked as hoped for. The inventor of the Dyson vacuums failed more than times than one would care to count. Yet, each failure led him closer to success.
The same theory applies to so many areas of life.
As important as all this is, you will gain something else very important after you have failed at something. You will know how those whom you always did do better than in areas, always felt when you bested them.
Why is this important? Because you will gain empathy. You will achieve a better sense of compassion for your fellow student.
And, you will be able to observe how the ‘Winners‘ treat you. Are they respectful? Or, do they rub your nose in your defeat? Are they cocky? Or, simply confident?
And, you will be able to think back on how you have treated those who were not as talented or successful as you.
For better or for worse, failure and a lack of winning (the 2 are not the same thing) come with the territory of being human. And, when you know that you have done your best, you will develop a sense of inner pride, that cannot be taken away from you simply because you did not succeed at the task or do as well as someone else.
Oh, and there is another thing to remember. Just as there is always someone who can do better than you. There will be those who cannot. And those who do as well as you.
And, no one is a failure at everything. No one!
The important things are to stretch your limits, know what they are (when it is appropriate to do so), and to be a compassionate person.
So while you should always strive to do your best and succeed, don’t fear failure. It is one of the true stepping stones toward becoming a great adult!
‘Nuff said!
RUSSELL IRVING is the author of 2 media-acclaimed books. TEENS! IMPROVE YOUR LIFE – DON’T OVERLOOK THE OBVIOUS (www.TeensImproveYourLife.com) and IMPROVE YOUR MARRIAGE – DON’T OVERLOOK THE OBVIOUS (www.DontOverlookTheObvious.com). Both books are available from the above websites, Amazon.com, or other book retailers. Russ is also available for speaking engagements and workshops. Reach him at: admin@ExpressYourselfHere.com.
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