By JONATHON ASLAY
How can you tell when a guy is ready for a committed relationship?
It’s the million dollar question if a committed relationship is what you are after.
Before I get into the meat of this topic, let’s first take a look at how most dating scenarios work out these days.
Say you meet someone from an online dating website, and your initial reaction is that you find each other mutually attractive; in fact, there is a tremendous amount of chemistry between you.
What often happens is the chemistry and sexual drive take over and you end up becoming intimate fairly quickly.
Now, if the sex and the intimacy are satisfying (better yet, off the charts), it may feel like love, and you may even believe that he wants a relationship with you.
But here is the scary part: Say he doesn’t call you after this amazing night of hot, fiery and passionate sex–what does it mean when he doesn’t call?
Does that mean he’s not interested?
Is he playing hard to get?
Is he playing games?
Or say you’ve been dating for a few weeks and are intimate rather often, but then he suddenly pulls back and says he’s not ready for a relationship–what does that mean?
Does that mean he’s seeing someone else?
Did you do something wrong?
Was it something you said?
You really want to know what all that means?
I’ll tell you what that means–NOTHING.
It means absolutely NOTHING.
How can you really expect any man to know that you are The One from a single encounter or a few awesome dates?
Let’s face it, ladies, there are way too many books about men and commitment to count, so you already know going into a date that men enjoy sex, variety, and freedom.
Why do you seem so surprised that he disappears on you without so much as a trace once he has had sex with you?
Come on, ladies! Own this BEFORE the date.
So how do you know when a guy is really ready for a committed relationship?
What signs can you look for as positive indicators?
It all starts with the 3 C’s: Communication, Character and Chase
Before I share with you the 3 C’s, let’s quickly establish that there is mutual attraction involved and the best way to determine attraction is through intimacy.
After all, the way a man kisses you or holds you can serve as a pretty good indicator of the way he might make love to you.
When it comes to chemistry, it’s all about the kissing.
If kissing your new guy is just totally hot or off the charts, this should be a good sign that the sexual chemistry will also be the same.
But let me point out, there are some cases when the sex might be flat but if the kissing is intense, so too should the sex.
Ok, so now we know there is chemistry and the sex could be good, but if you really want to determine whether or not he is worthy to take the chances of a potential relationship, then follow my 3 C’s:
This can take on many different forms via text, email, phone or in-person.
Does he communicate his feelings with emotions, or do his words reflect primarily logic and facts?
For example, is he more likely to say something like:
“I’ve been learning so much about myself these past few years of dating, and I feel as though my heart wants to make a commitment to one special person.”
or something like:
“Wow! We have so much chemistry between us, let’s have (more) sex!” It says more about a man who shares his feelings than a man who just wants to share orgasms.
Women seem to have a tendency to hear what they want to hear as opposed to what is actually being said to them, which is why communication is so important–it is essentially an opportunity to be present and to listen for signs that there is real interaction and that he is genuinely interested in you for more than just the sex.
You need to become a master at listening and determining the real person from his rhetoric.
A man without integrity is a man not worth investing your time.
A man without character will let you down so many times that the pain to recover from this relationship may take a lifetime to repair.
Many men reveal in their dysfunction, sometimes known as the Bad Boy Syndrome, that while their charisma may seem charming; it is actually a disguise to lure you in the hopes that you might be the one to fix him.
Nine out of 10 times, the man who lacks character becomes the one who hurts you the most.
Some simple signs to watch out for in the beginning:
Does he call when he says he will?
Does he cancel plans at the last minute?
Does he only want to talk on his time and not yours?
Does his life seem flaky?
Does he complain about everything?
Does it seem like it is more about him than it is you?
While these might seem simple and obvious, how he shows up in the beginning of a relationship might be a reflection of his true character.
So far we’ve talked about communication and character, but what about the chase?
Men are competitive creatures by nature, so they love a good challenge.
That’s why the chase is such an integral part of the dating process.
If a man isn’t chasing you in the slightest bit, then he will most likely NOT go the distance when it comes to down to commitment.
Now before I get deeper into the topic of the chase, be prepared because this is going to be all about YOU.
I know this sucks because you don’t want to play games or do any work, but here is the deal: finding the man who is ready for a real, committed relationship starts with YOU, and the sooner you understand this, the better off you’ll be.
The CHASE is the KEY, and a man who doesn’t chase you will not be ready for a true, committed relationship with you.
Now let me be clear about the chase–it’s not the chase for sex.
I am talking about the chase for your HEART and whether or not he is even worthy of earning your heart.
A man who is ready for a relationship is not in the chase for the sex–he’s in it for your heart.
He’s ready to make the deposits of trust that will allow you to open your heart to a deeper meaning of love.
The chase is more about you slowing down the dating process because men can be in such a hurry for the sex that it might appear as if they want a relationship.
The chase is the courtship. It’s showing up worthy to earn your love, and taking it slow from your perspective, which is kind of like playing hard to get but without the guards surrounding your heart.
What are some you ways you can slow things down a bit?
When he texts, take your time to respond (now I’m not talking about all day, just a few hours unless there is an exchange of facts).
Next, don’t always be so available. Men are attracted to women who have a life, and the girl who drops everything at the drop of a dime might be considered to be too easy.
Another thing that really works is to communicate less than he does, which may be hard because women have a habit of talking more than men since they usually include all their feelings in the conversation.
When a man is ready for a commitment, he will start to open up to you about his true feelings by talking to you more and being fully present in the relationship in the sense that his actions and behaviors match up with what he says and communicates.
And if you want to keep him interested and continue on with the relationship on your terms, then it’s up to YOU to give him a little chase and make him work for your heart.
Jonathon Aslay is the purveyor of UnderstandMenNOW.com as well as a dating coach and relationship confidant. As someone who has graduated with honors from life’s virtual University of Dating, Jonathon Aslay assists women in finding that seemingly elusive man with whom they can have both compatibility and passion.